On behalf of residents,Welcome to Mombasa
While you are here note these;
1. You have Kidero grass we have Joho flowers …ours were planted well before Obama and Pope- for us to see. DO NOT EVEN THINK OF FLYING OVER!
2. We too know how to drive on pavements,but we opt not to coz we’re living in an island which you can circle 14 times a day….so no hurry.
3.Ugali is called Sima. Rice is wali NOT mchele! Any food take away is called safari e.g Chips Safari- Don’t keep our waiters guessing what you want.
4. Sauti Sol will be performing here on 26th. DO NOT come to crowd and buy all tickets.You are with them in Nairobi for 364 days!
5. Take care of your stuff,you didn’t come alone,your pickpockets are here on holiday too!
6. A beach Party is just that- a party in the wind dusty dirty beaches thanks to your habits of littering everywhere. In any party the cash you pay is directly proportional to the number of good people attending. If you pay 100 bob,you get to meet 100 good people and 4900 thugs. If you pay 5000 Bob you meet 5000 good guys n 0 thugs.
7. Here we see cars yes even before you do. Everyone here has seen a Bentley ( they pass through town as they leave the port) ..DONT ATTEMPT TO VRUUUM AROUND TOWN with your KCA Subaru playing loud music. KCG is the in thing here
Lastly,next time go to Eldoret,Narok,Kerugoya etc…must you come to force your tummy into a tyre tube and go floating at Pirates? By the way you easily float coz of the amount of urine people unleash while swimming there. Yes!
Via Junior Carry Ur Key
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