Real Madrid were crowned champions of Europe for the 11th time after beating Atletico Madrid in a dramatic penalty shootout in Milan.






Twenty years ago, women used to cook like their mothers. Today, they smoke like their fathers. There are fewer things more disgusting than a woman who smokes. And I’m not talking about cigarettes. My beef is with women who smoke shisha. Shisha girls are undesirable, rough and have completely lost respect for themselves. There are two types of shisha girls: the eastlando and the so-called upmarket ones. The eastlando types use cheap perfumes costing Sh350 and buy high heels from Toi Market and Bus Station. They text random men on Fridays “Leo turn up iko wapi, baby?” because they need a man to buy them a pot of shisha. They are happy to go to Club Cubano but will never forget you if you upgrade them to Mojos. They wear their plastic weaves long and coarse, the ones you comb until the scalp protests. The polish on their nails — mostly blue — is chipped and their lipstick ghetto; the ones bought at Moi Avenue for Sh200. Their dreadlocks — if they happen to have them...
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